Response to "Beyond the Line"

I thought the story was well organized and it did a good job of telling the tale ina clear way. It seemed to know what it was talking about and I suppose it was well researched, giving a real feel that it was the business side of war (so to speak). The story was about a man who is a major in the military and he has been stationed in a combat zone somewhere. His job is to figure out when and where they will be firing but there is a hitch when he hasn't yet been given all the intelligence. Eventually he learns that his zone has a school in it and refuses to fire on it, which is against the orders he was given so he has a conflict with his commanding officer. I would like to know more details though. There are a lot of details to outline life in the military, but I want to know more about the conflict and the place and why they are there. This would help the reader feel more invested in the story and give interest. The whole story is spent in the build-up but when it comes to the conflict of the story, the impact doesn't quite hit you very hard. You do not get any emotion in the piece. Also I see that it wanted to tie the beginning to the end, but none of it seems too important and it appeared to be just a writing device for the device's purpose. The scene seems very distant and you want to get back to it and for much more to be revealed but it is blandly tied in. I also feel like it over complicates some minor things throughout the piece. I want it to latch onto something and drive it home and carry the story forward. As it is now, it feels to me like it could just be 12 pages in the middle of a large novel, as opposed to a feeling of completeness.

Response to "Curtis and Deangelo"

This story was quite unique, in terms of its content but also because of the approach it took to the storytelling. It did a very good job of giving the characters unique voices and, for the most part, they translated well onto paper. Their personalities were unique and interesting and they kept me reading. The story seemed to be about a man who has been messing around in Las Vegas and he runs into his brother, who I assume he has not seen in some time. They talk about their father and a car accident he was in and the ramifications of it, and then at the end you learn that the father died in surgery. I feel like Vegas was supposed to play an important role in the story and perhaps be some sort of metaphor or driving force, but I never really figured out what it was. The story was really quite confusing and all over the place, I thought. I never got a whole idea of what was happening at any point and then it would jump into something new and bring in new confusion. It lacked focus. The dialogue was interesting and had some clear voices, but it didn't always seem to be going anywhere. In the conversation at the end that led to the big news of the father's death, everything just fell off. I wanted more emotion, more inner conflict (or outward), and more clarity. There were a number of interesting events, but I do not know what the point of them was and in what way they drove the story forward. There were also a number of grammatical errors, even beyond the ways of speaking by the characters.

Response to Dress Rehearsal

In Dress Rehearsal, I feel like Christina did a good job in her storytelling and getting the whole story across in an evenly paced manner. It seems to be a story about a young girl named Kate who is in high school and who is stressed about school, boys, and a play that she is going to participate in as an extra. Her younger sister somehow always steals the attention from her though and she is bothered by the fact that she is always the afterthought. I am not sure how believable it is that the older sister would be mixed up as the younger sister when they look significantly different, though. I would perhaps like to know a little bit more about why Diana (the younger sister) gets so much attention. Also, there are a number of points of conflict thoughout this piece but none get a lot of attention except maybe the play, and they don't really play out. For instance, the whole prom date situation just hasn't much of a solution at all and it just gets written off and forgotten about, after it seems to be something strongly on Kate's mind. Given the setup of the story and the sister and all, I thought the prom was going to be the climax of the story. I must say though, that when she gave her little speech on stage, I felt a great deal of tension and it does a good job of making the reader feel anxiety in that situation. On the whole it was difficult for me to get into the piece, but it may just be because of the content. There is absolutely no way in the world that this story could have been written by (or for) a boy and I just don't have much interest in prom dresses and such. Not that this makes the story bad; it is just that the story is very much in a different element than what I traditionally would read or like. I suppose that the change came when Kate stepped up and revealed her anger about not getting attention over her sister, but I would maybe have liked to see a little bit more inner turmoil to show the change that she actually was assertive about it. Lastly, I do not know about the last line of the story. It seems to go in a new direction and I do not know what it is about or why.

Response to Brotherly Love

I thought this read very well for the most part and I feel like the story has done a good job of finding a sleek and well honed storytelling style, and I like it. It seems to be a story about a man who is living with his brother and his brother's two children, and he is trying to decide on the future of the family. He is hoping to relocate the family out of their old house, and this seems to be the main and major point of contention in the storyline (until the robbery). It is reather difficult oto figure out what happens all of a sudden at the end and it seems to speed up and start cramming things together in terms of events. The beginning is much slower and then it all gets ahead of itself, trying to finish the story it seems. The story does an excellent job of making the characters seem real. William seemed to be a very deep and emotionally real character and it translates well to the page. I found more confusion though about what details of the conflict were. I do not know why he wanted to relocate or what the deep background of his reasoning was. I feel like I was being asked to assume too much in this case. There are great images that are shown in the piece but when it comes to the things that are the meat and important things in the story there seems to be less emphasis on it. The whole gun incident seems to be rushed through, although it does do a good job of showing the fast and panicked feeling of such an incident. Even so, I beg to know more details. Ending right after the scene makes me want to know a bit more.

response to Janelle

In "The Truth Behind the Window" you seem to have an interesting thought, but I don't know if it really materializes. The story seems to be about a married woman who is living in a suburban middle/upper class neighborhood and sits by her window and observes the things happening around her. Her own marriage is talked about briefly and seems to be a point in her life that she is passively disappointed about. You get the idea in the story that the main character, christina, is a very judgemental person. I think there is a bit too much that is unsaid in the story though, from the events to the characters. You have no idea what leads christina to the way of thinking that she has other than a little bit of insight into her married life and her hilariously rude husband. But there is not much character development throughout any of it. Different characters are introduced frequently and you pause just long enough on each of them to understand a little of who they are but not enough to really feel like you know them. They do not have a full personality that makes them a person. And speaking of personality, I get the impression that you are not even close enough to christina to get her personality. Even though you are in her head more than anything else, she doesn't have a fully developed and concrete idea that makes her an individual. With so little focus on anything or anyone, you do not feel like you know anything. Also, I do not know where the story was in this. There were a number of events (that admittedly did not seem to be impactful) and the ending certainly did not involve any change. There were hardly any events at all, and none of them involved the main character. In the end it talks about christina's revenge, and I would love to know what that is all about. It also says that she could see the truths they so desperately tried to hide, but I have no idea what those are. I would love it if we were given an actual outline of what this potential dark underbelly would look like.

Response to "Off"

I found this story to be intriguing, and for the most part, good as well. it is a stream of consciousness narrative following a young woman who is clearly a very synical and self-absorbed rich girl. In fact, she seems to be about as stereotypical as arcih girls come in the basic outline of her actions and personality. however, I thought that the telling of it gave the story and character a great deal of more depth. I might have been so intrigued because I never have really thought about how an overly coddled person might apporach even the most mundane things. i think the technique of the storytelling, with the constant banter of thought, really plays well in this instance. It pulls it off well without getting too bogged down with overlaod, and adds complexity to the story of a girl moving along in a party, trying to get some kisses. All the little anecdotes that she adds, like when she first fell for Adam or when she tells about her history in painting tells so much about the inner workings of this young woman's personality. She clearly is a very complex and conflicted person, even though she tries so hard to show the exterior of an overly confident individual. I also really like how concrete and real she seems as a person, where a few things are revealing but they do not tear down the image that has already been built up. It was a good and interesting insight into another's mind.

Response to T.C. Boyle

In "The Love of My Life", I feel like T.C. Boyle does a fantastic job in many ways of accomplishing what it seems was the intention to accomplish. Throughout the entire piece, the most overwhelming observation of mine was the way the mood seemed so very real that it was practically tangeable. In the beginning of the story, I have to admit that I almost felt like it was I who was love stricken as China and Jeremy were. This is perhaps somewhat an unrealistic portrayal of love and it could be seen as over the top in the depiction of their budding relationship, but I think the meaning and capturing of the mood was more important that the actual facts of the matter. The language used in the piece was rich with descriptive language and it seemed so poetic that it seemed to really capture the powerful emotions that were being thrown about. And later when things became far more dreary, I once again was stricken with the emotion of the story and started to become worried and depressed by the events that were unfolding. The piece seemed so full of life when it was proclaiming the young love and it died with the death of the birthed child.

I also enjoyed the way the story progressed, with the way it first outlined what it needed to (being primarily the emotions present in the story) and moved from event to event seamlessly. One thing that I am not completely sold on, as far as liking the story goes, is the character development. The characters themselves seem more like containers of polarized emotion more than thinking and breathing people. There seemed to be no middle ground by the characters when it came to their analysis of events, and they did not seem to do the realistic task of thinking things through. Another thing that I did not drool over for its greatness was the ending. Sure, it was simply disappointing that China ended up betraying Jeremy, but that is not because of poor writing. What I did not like was the way it ended on a non-event. Perhaps it was just a selfish thought as a reader, but I wanted to know more of the facts of the matter, and know what Jeremy thought as well in finality. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the short story.