Response to "A Flicker in the Night"

I felt like this short-short was well accomplished, accomplishing all that I imagine it's intent was. I thought that it's tie in to the television theme was well done without seeming out of place but really seemed not only well woven into the story, but quite sweet as well. After we had the revelation in class about the short short stories not following the same protocol as the standard short stories, I find myself evaluating this one very well by my new criteria. It was a very nice little story about how a girl has memories of her youth and how much she had a fondness for her mother's perfume and when she would put her off to sleep. I imagine that Shelby probably read the class blog post about how certain words about smell incite reactions from the reader, and I figured that this story was partially experimental, trying to use these in her story. I thought that it was done pretty well, keeping it simple and I think it was used effectively. The story was told in what I thought to be a very sweet way and it had a soft tone that led to an almost dreamlike feeling for the reader, especially towards the end when the lines are separated with gaps that gave me the feeling of falling in and out of sleep a little bit. Even though I now know that there is no turn required at the end, I still felt like this one had a little bit of one, but not that it was all up in your face. I just seemed to say in an interesting way that all is not as it once was, which gives it the ever so slightest bit of tension. I thought it was nice and well done, without getting too complicated.

Response to "From Me For You"

I feel like this story is another piece of compelling literature that Patrick seems to often achieve. It was an interesting read, and managed to have a lot of tension throughout a majority of the story. Because of this fact, though, I worry that perhaps it is not as effective in having a moment of the story that seems like a climax or a specific point of emphasis. I thought that it did quite well to paint a vivid image of an environment and people, giving it a lot of character and coloring the story well with detail. However, I feel like there is some left unsaid. For some reason, I feel like the circumstances of the events are simply somewhat odd or off, and it just confused me as to why the family would have insisted on doing things normally. I think that the story would benefit from making Albert a more visualized person. By that, I mean that I would like to see more detail about what he looks like so that his death really impacts the reader. Perhaps I was simply in a heartless mood, but for some reason I still feel cold to his death. The only other thing that threw me off was near the very end, when for some reason Isaiah threw up and seemed to be blaming himself for something. I missed what, but that might be my fault. Anyways, very well put together with good tension, but the ending has me puzzled.

Response to "Jensen Day"

It was hard to know what to make of the story. It was about a man who is a lawyer and the story of a singular day in his life. He wakes up next to a girl and goes off to work, where he is met by a boss and has a few obscure, and seemingly full of contempt, interactions and remarks. The story was incredibly short, and I was thinking that perhaps it was because it was meant to show exactly how meaningless and boring and thoughtless Jensen's days really are, and it would be proving this in its brevity. But the thing is I do not know if that is exactly what it is going for, because that is certainly not said and there is little to point his overall mood in that direction. I find a large amount of the story to be rather confusing as well. The ending, specifically, confounded the hell out of me. I am not quite sure at the end what happened to him. In this class it has been nearly nailed into our brains to have some sort of overall change in the character in the story, or there needs to be some change that makes it story-worth, and I do not know what that is in this story. I did feel like the piece was successful in the dialogue, which was realistic and seemed to fit well.

Response to "Swiss Cheese"

I suppose I will start by saying that this, more than any other story I have read for the class, was very difficult to put down. It was very compelling and I thought that the storyline itself was an incredibly compelling one. It moved along without any bumps and it seemed real, more than anything else. I enjoyed that Brett (odd name choice, by the way) had a very distinct personality but what I liked far more than that even was how Jack Goodwin had his own very distinct, and very very compelling personality of his own. The relationship between the two is what wrapped it up for being a really good story to me. It also did a nice job of tying in other aspects of the story throughout, like the 'cows down the chute' thing or the bananas. I did feel like maybe the banana was used a bit too much, as it became one of the predominant images in the mind of the reader to too high of a degree in my opinion. I also felt like the setting could have been portrayed a little bit better to give the reader a more concrete sense of place. For instance, I had a really odd image in my head of the room where jack was being held. There were a couple of minor things that I marked on the paper where I felt like it could use come cleaning up, and there was only one minor plot hole that I noticed and that too was marked. I thoroughly enjoyed this read though. I only pray that this doesnt overly inflate any egos.

Response to "Blood"

"Blood" my Molly was twisted and interesting, and just the type of intrigue that I would expect from her writing. To begin with, it was told from a very interesting point of view that instantly made the reader lock in, so they can hear the tale of a crazy girl. I also really enjoyed the way the memories were told, especially the ones involving the father. The story is apparently about a girl named Scarlet (and for once I feel like her name was introduced at an appropriate time) and she is in some sort of mental hospital. She describes the other "crazies" who are patients and their differing levels of severity, and also describes her mother and father. The mother is somewhat neurotic and a germ freak and the father seems very laid back. She then goes on to tell about the reason for her getting put in the hospital and the current talk with the psychiatrist. I find her reasoning for her cutting tendencies to be odd and interesting but still chilling because of the nature of the subject. I feel like the whole piece fits that nature well. I feel like the piece moved along well and I enjoyed the way the story was told from a time and memory standpoint. It did seem like it could get polished up a bit more though, and although there was a good and definite voice (of course) I wasnt sold on everything she said, such as the times when she says "think ____". Still a very good story.

Response to "Support Group"

I thoroughly enjoyed reading "Support Group". It was a unique story that was told purely with dialogue and only by one person. This can be difficult, obviously, and to be perfectly honest I am not sure what the best way to do this on paper would be, as far as writing conventions or grammar are concerned. That aside, I thought that the story was good in that it really captured a lot of attention from the reader and it never let up. It seemed like a genuine voice and I was able to see a depressing individual admitting his perverted nature to a group of silent onlookers. It was very awkward and made my skin crawl a little bit, but in a very good way that built tension and gave the reader the typical feeling of 'not being able to look away from a car crash'. The story was also laughable, and I am pretty sure that this was Paul's intention when he put it together. It was the awkward laugh that makes you feel weird for laughing at, like the scene where he tells about messing his pants in front of his friends. It clearly is also a somewhat taboo subject and that alone propells it to having significance, but it does not tackle the subject half-heartedly. The only gripe that I have is for the ending. I felt like the end was trying to wrap it up and finish, and I don't know what would have been better but it seemed sudden. At the very least, my suggestion would be to put a little bit more between the last paragraph and the one before that makes a sort of time lapse between him saying he would be there for everyone else and him jetting out of there. It just happens so quickly it seems rushed and ill formed.

Response to "The Marriage of Ruth and Isaac"

I liked the story by Emily, largely because of the perspective. It was a well told story that was told from the point of view of the mother of a girl who is about to get married. What I like about this is that the mother has a more or less reproachful thought about the whole idea of losing her baby daughter to the life of a man, and I feel like it would be far more stereotypical to go the other route and make it the father who has this idea. The story starts with the mother telling about the memory she has of her daughter (Ruth) when she was a very young girl in her first wedding, and paints a good picture of how she was once a very dependent and shy girl who needed her daddy. It goes on to tell more memories about how the mother felt she should have been more supportive of the daughter throughout different events in Ruth's life in her relationship with Isaac, such as the meeting of the parents or learning of the engagement. I would have liked to see more about how Ruth reacted to the Mother's take on all of these events though, and I think it would tell a lot about the state of their relationship. It seems unclear to me now if the mother is overly loving and is merely protective and doesn't want to lose her daughter or if they have a relationship that is flawed. It was a bit short and I was not convinced that it had to be. I thought a good bit more could have been put on paper. I also felt like the last two paragraphs lost the easymoving voice from before and fall apart simply to try to end it.

Response to "Where to Start?"

I liked "Where to Start?" for the most part. It was not too long winded and it gave the reader an environment and character that seemed real to the reader. It was a story about a young man named Darroll who is roughly sixteen or so. He reveals the way his life has played out so far in his schooling (without going into too much unnecessary detail) and tells a story about how he became infatuated with his grandfather's car upon being dropped off for his first day of public school. It also sets up the basement to be a scary place, and in the end he is forced to go down there to clean and he discovers that the old car he loved was willed to him (although it was sold), and he decides he needs to have it. What I would like to see in this story is that I want more to happen and I would like to know more of the emotional impacts that were had by Darroll. The setting seems very real but I would like to know slightly more about what the narrator actually cares about. The story also seems to be lacking in backbone and something to force it into being compelling. I would enjoy it if there was a scene of real action in it, involving Darroll against his parents or on his persuit of actually procuring the car of his dreams. The descriptions that were used were good and original largely, and it never seemed too dull. I would just like a little bit more.

Response to "Safe"

The story "Safe" had its good points and bad. It follows the story of a young woman named Alexandra, presumably recently graduated from college, as she is alone at home with her dog one evening. It gives you a lot of backstory and insight to the narrator's thoughts throughout the piece and that actually makes up the majority of the story, telling a large deal about how Alexandra has no trust for men and that her brother and mother have a large amount of dislike for the divorced father of the family. When she takes a shower, her protective dog is not around her normally and realizes that something is amiss, and eventually after some thoughts and actions from her fear she is assaulted and nearly raped. It is at the very end that the perpetrator never succeeds and he is arrested as the cops come. I felt like the story did an excellent job of building tension. You could tell throughout the story that something major was being built up to, and when a moment really makes Alexandra scared, it is told well on paper. I did feel like the story was very predictable though. The whole thing was set up to go in basically one direction, because nothing was really told other than negative thoughts on the father and details scattered around. I felt like there were a number of things that were unnecessary for the story. Also I felt like it was overloaded with commas. I felt like many things were said to give the character a voice, but I am not sure that this was accomplished and much of it just came off as being unpolished unfortunately. It seemed to drag out a long time to get to the point it ended at. Also, the characters need to seem more real.

Response to "Once in a Lifetime"

I found "Once in a Lifetime" by Jhumpa Lahiri to be a slightly odd story that I did not actually ejoy to a high degree until towards the end. The story itself did not quite grasp me as an incredibly compelling storyline and it got to feeling a little drawn out. This process did allow the reader to get into Hema's head a good bit, but I felt like we were lacking from what we might have been able to gain about her because of her lack of interaction. There was not much action going on in the story and it made it come off as a bit dry. The story itself was told in the interesting manner of telling memories of time together, from Hema to the son of her parents' friends as their family came to stay with theirs. It talks monotinously about the trivial things that went on in the household and how Hema internally was bitter or thoughtful or excited about one thing or another in regard to the two families and their dynamics. There also was a large focus on the seeming romantic element of the feelings by Hema, but those never materialized within the story. What I did like was the way this seemed to somewhat mislead the reader from the actual conflict that is revealed later. I thought it was neat the way that the story jerked you away from the dry lead up and kind of tied a lot of things together at the end, where the boring things from before all of a sudden were given some meaning. Like the fact of how he loved the snow, or the way Hema and the mothers went to go bra shopping. After this connection was made, however, I wanted there to be more interaction and action. This could be said of my opinion on the piece as a whole but I felt like it missed out at the end by not giving the reader a lot to drive it forward. The story read in a fluid way and it had some good descriptions that I felt played up the actual culture that was being portrayed. I just wish there was more done to reel me in or at least really bag me at the end when the bombshell of the breast cancer is dropped.

Response to "Password Protected"

To begin with, I am glad that the piece turned out to be more serious than it originally seemed, with its focus on Facebook. The story at first is introduced as being about a girl who is taking care of the facebook of Thomas, who you soon later learn to be her brother. It is told that he is ill in some way and you learn slowly throughout the story that he actually had leukemia. The story continues to follow the girl as she interacts with her brother's facebook page, and it has a couple of interesting memories and thought provoking injections that are telling. This all leads up to the end where you learn that Thomas has actually been dead this whole time and at that point for me it becomes creepy. And I hope that that was the intention because I felt like it was accomplished very well, where the story doesnt really have that much of a foreboding sense or anything but looking back on it from the near-end it seems very odd and creepy that she wants to make her brother "immortal". Its almost like a villain type of thing in my mind. I found it odd the way Thomas was introduced and I didnt especially like the way he was brought in without knowing his role, and led to a slightly confusing first part of his memories. It does however fit with the slow technique of how the reader slowly learns more and more about the characters throughout the storyline. It was formatted well with few grammatical errors, although there were instances where wording seemed unrefined or just odd. Pretty good story for the most part.

Response to "The Bleeps and Blips of Life"

On the whole, I felt like Shelby's story was very good in that it was well constructed and truly moved and acted as a compelling piece of literature. The story is about a woman named Anna who is with her comatose and cancer infected father in the hospital. While she is there, her younger sister, Karen, comes to visit her and their father. It is revealed through their conversation and narration that Anna has a poor relationship with her sister and their mother and has detached herself from them for the most part, remaining close to only her father. Karen tries to convince her that she should pull the plug on their father and at first Anna is disapproving but at the end, the change comes when she decides to go along with her sister's persuasions.

There were a number of things in this story that I really enjoyed as far as the writing itself is concerned. For one thing, I really thought it had very good transitions from point to point that made the story not seem long and helped it flow. This held true throughout much of the piece but the one place I felt like it lacked was on page 8 when the reader is introduced to the memory with the glass. I think it would have worked better to actively have her thinking back to the memory, which would be something that would help lead her to her decision. I also thought that the story had some really good tension building and that the dialogue seemed worth putting on paper. As I wrote on the paper's notes, I though that there were scenes that were worth making into a story. I found that there were some inconsistencies with the voice a little bit throughout, where at times it was very high diction with elaborate description and at other times it seems sparse and almost hateful. I also would have liked to be introduced to the name of Anna earlier, as well as specific age. The story itself has some points that I consider to be oddities but for the most part well polished and good.

Response to "Series of Omissions"

In the story that Matt wrote this week, I see that he took a slightly different approach than had been taken for the most part. The story he wrote, "Series of Omissions", was a very different story, if I would classify it as a story. To me, it read as just a long eulagy. It is merely a remembrance of the family members who no longer have the father of the family with them in life. The story keys in on a few facts and memories, and it seems to simply go through these one after another with the recurring theme of beginning the paragraphs with "He is survivied by...". You then learn of the complexities of the late father's life through what these other people remember of him. I like this writing tool, as it is indirect but still forthright in everything it presents. In the way that many times people often are too blunt or too vague in the way they tell a story, this does a good and interesting job of presenting it all without beating you over the head. There are a number of characters in this story, but you are given no names other than Norman O'Connor but only the family roles that these people live out. I was somewhat conflicted if I thought that more names would be helpful, but I decided I like it because you are at least given enough of background information to be able to infer many things about character traits. In the end, I feel like there was a nice and complete idea given of who Norman was, and it is truly intriguing, but the story itself if somewhat lacking. The only problem is that it wasn't written exactly as a story and since the main character is already dead, it leaves no room for character development. It was peculiar but enjoyable, and I felt like it was written with skill and precision from line to line. Good stuff on the whole.

Incarnations of Burned Children

I thought this story was very interesting, and covered a topic that was somewhat chilling in how plain but fearsome it is. It was a very short story that was about the immediate aftermath of an accident in a home kitchen where a toddler was scalded by a boiling pot of water, and the reactions by the parents, specifically the father as he attempted to ease his ailing child. He quickly reacts to the problem and immediately puts the toddler in the sink to put cold water on the scalding areas, doing his best to ignore the screams of his child. At the end he attempts to remove the diaper and realizes that it collected the burning water, scarring his tormented child in the nether regions, and then he thinks through the reprocussions of what this event has done for the future of the kid. there were a number of things that I liked and a few that I did not. The story, bing very short, was able to build and hold tension throughout the entire piece. It was impressively done, doing a good job to convey how hectic and worried the event would be in real life. It also does a good job of conveying the emotions without spelling them out for you. It is all so bunched together that it shows how quickly the event and thought pass through in a situation like this. I didn't feel like the voice that was used was necessarily helpful to the piece in driving it forward. The use of 'mommy' and 'daddy' placed the reader in a third party observer, but I simply found it to be a little bit odd, especially when the emotion and tension of the story seemed so personal. On the whole, I thought it was very moving, and painted what I assume to be a fairly accurate portrayal of this disturbing event.

Response to "Baking Cookies"

To be blunt, I really liked this short story. At the beginning it had a good setup to establish the characters. There were only a few instances where I felt like the language it used did not completely fit the young childish voice, but for the most part I thought it was done quite well. For instance, when he says that something was his "favorite type of blue", i felt like this and moments like it really captured the voice in its simplicity very well. As the story moved on it slowly started to have weird moments that made me worry that something was up but I didn't know where to place my fears. The moment when the abuse actually happened still caught me off guard and was incredibly charged, bringing about a large conflict that wasn't spelled out for the reader but introduced within the flow of the story. The characters were very well developed, both the mother and child, and it really felt like the reader was in the head of the kid. The pacing was done well as it brought you along without going too fast or slow at any point, and I liked the way little things were revealed through the thought process of a child. Overall, excellent story I thought.

Response to "A Different Place"

In this story I thought that the story seemed to move forward very well. There were not really any points where there was a sort of hangup that slowed the piece down. there were a number of points that I felt the story was lacking in. The story is apparently about a man that reveives a phone call from his father, who was apparently on vacation in Costa Rica. His father was in soome sort of accident on the trip along with others. Derrick, a friend of some kind, was emergency rushed out and eventually he died. At the end, the reader learns that the main character could have gotten them to come home early, and you assume he may be blaming himself. I was almost surprised by how similar this story was to Rovert's first story, as far as content is concerned. Similarly, I thought this story was somewhat lacking in the emotional connection with the characters. I does not reveal a great deal about feelings and relationships and personalities of anyone. There is no point where I felt like I was fully invested in it and like I was actually in the story. There was no setting at all and an addtion of that may help it. The conflict just did not reach out to the reader, and the end should have been more precise in my opinion.

Response to "kids"

I thought "Kids" moved very well from beginning to end, telling an interesting story. The character is very well established and the piece has a continual voice. The story is apparently about a young teenage girl who has been shipped off to camp and she takes in many observations about how the other girls at the camp are acting far too old for themselves. At the end there is a girl who says she likes a boy and then another girl ends up sleeping with him. Then it hits finality when it gives the lesson and you learn that the girl wasn't even a virgin. One thing that I was the biggest fan of, even though it led to a well developed character, was how much you spelled it out. It seemed like every paragraph has designed to have one thing that said to your face that she still considered herself young. Also as a more minor point, I really would have liked it if the camp counselor's age was established earlier. Also I am curious if Jeremy was in there with her smoking. Another thing that I think could perhaps be altered about the story is that I would like to have known a little bit earlier where they are. The first page of mystery works well but it still seemed to have too much confusion for too long. I wanted to feel in the story earlier and its hard to do that without knowing what environment you are in. Or perhaps that is just because I never went to camp...

Response to "Chase"

What is unique about this story and what really makes me enjoy it is how stylized it is. I think it fully accomplishes this throughout its entirety. It seems to set up the mood very well in a way that complements the personality of Caroline. I see the stroy as being about a young woman named caroline and the time she met up with her ex boyfriend, who gave her herpes. This storyline is peppered with flashbacks that tell about he backsground of their relationship. As far as the storyline goes, I like most of it because I felt like it had a good flow and never seemed to feel forced but when it got to the end, the character didn't have the revelation in the way I wanted and expected her to. I expected it to end with more grandeur. I liked the personality that was used before and would like it if this could have been used but just at an amplified level. The story has a lot of really good descriptions that are used throughout the piece and I thoroughly enjoyed those, but I would perhaps make the piece feel more active.

Response to "With Sweat Stripes Across Our Bellies"

I liked the story and the slow, home living type of telling to pull you through it. The story is about a woman who is learning how to deal with the way dementia is affecting her mother, even though she felt life around sick people as a career might have prepared her for it. This point is brought in at the very beginning but I think that maybe it would be nice to tie in the knowledge and other parts of her adult life into the rest of the story throughout. The recurring stream of conversation throughout the piece was engaging and built tension, but I would have liked for it to tie in to a more concise ending. At the end there was not a whole lot of closure or change that is discernible, and I would like to be able to latch onto a more concrete point that shows the development of the piece. I also feel like I know a lot about Connie, the main character, but I do not get much of her actual personality. I would like a little more there to give the piece a little bit more life. I thoroughly enjoyed the language that you used, and it seemed genuine and well placed. You did a good job of portraying the seemingly simplistic life of childhood and of a homemaker. The details, like in about the cooking, help tie this together. I would just like to see a little bit more conflict and something to bring that to fruition.

Response to "Fortune"

I really enjoyed this story and felt like it pulled off the writing style quite well. It is a story about a man (of unknown age) named Mike who lives alone with his dog. The story takes a stream of consciousness approach to tell of the man's thoughts. He is an incredibly passive person and he is watching a television game show that I think is Wheel of Fortune when two robbers break in through the window. When his dog attacks, one of the robbers shoots him. I thought that what was interesting was the way in which his passive mind portrayed the entire situation. It was very odd and perhaps slightly unrealistic, but it fits the character that has been developed and it is accomplished well. Mike makes a number of odd and mundane observations about this and that, but it does not get lost in the storytelling or seem to drag you too far away from the scene. Later the two robbers get into some sort of verbal altercation and the one called Joshua shoots the one called Jacob in the chest. At this point of the story I think I would have liked to know a little bit more about the fight such as why it was happening. I know that it says it was hard to make out, but to go right into shooting his accomplice seems rash and I would like to have Mike pick up a few words of something, especially since the television is no longer there to have auditory distractions. I really liked the way the tension was built up here towards the end and how it kept the same thought processes but still amped up the excitement. I see the change being that at the end, Mike made a move and was active as opposed to passively watching things unfold and he bolts to get out. Perhaps it is merely a sign of a good story, but I would like to know more past the end when it just cuts off.

Response to "Beyond the Line"

I thought the story was well organized and it did a good job of telling the tale ina clear way. It seemed to know what it was talking about and I suppose it was well researched, giving a real feel that it was the business side of war (so to speak). The story was about a man who is a major in the military and he has been stationed in a combat zone somewhere. His job is to figure out when and where they will be firing but there is a hitch when he hasn't yet been given all the intelligence. Eventually he learns that his zone has a school in it and refuses to fire on it, which is against the orders he was given so he has a conflict with his commanding officer. I would like to know more details though. There are a lot of details to outline life in the military, but I want to know more about the conflict and the place and why they are there. This would help the reader feel more invested in the story and give interest. The whole story is spent in the build-up but when it comes to the conflict of the story, the impact doesn't quite hit you very hard. You do not get any emotion in the piece. Also I see that it wanted to tie the beginning to the end, but none of it seems too important and it appeared to be just a writing device for the device's purpose. The scene seems very distant and you want to get back to it and for much more to be revealed but it is blandly tied in. I also feel like it over complicates some minor things throughout the piece. I want it to latch onto something and drive it home and carry the story forward. As it is now, it feels to me like it could just be 12 pages in the middle of a large novel, as opposed to a feeling of completeness.

Response to "Curtis and Deangelo"

This story was quite unique, in terms of its content but also because of the approach it took to the storytelling. It did a very good job of giving the characters unique voices and, for the most part, they translated well onto paper. Their personalities were unique and interesting and they kept me reading. The story seemed to be about a man who has been messing around in Las Vegas and he runs into his brother, who I assume he has not seen in some time. They talk about their father and a car accident he was in and the ramifications of it, and then at the end you learn that the father died in surgery. I feel like Vegas was supposed to play an important role in the story and perhaps be some sort of metaphor or driving force, but I never really figured out what it was. The story was really quite confusing and all over the place, I thought. I never got a whole idea of what was happening at any point and then it would jump into something new and bring in new confusion. It lacked focus. The dialogue was interesting and had some clear voices, but it didn't always seem to be going anywhere. In the conversation at the end that led to the big news of the father's death, everything just fell off. I wanted more emotion, more inner conflict (or outward), and more clarity. There were a number of interesting events, but I do not know what the point of them was and in what way they drove the story forward. There were also a number of grammatical errors, even beyond the ways of speaking by the characters.

Response to Dress Rehearsal

In Dress Rehearsal, I feel like Christina did a good job in her storytelling and getting the whole story across in an evenly paced manner. It seems to be a story about a young girl named Kate who is in high school and who is stressed about school, boys, and a play that she is going to participate in as an extra. Her younger sister somehow always steals the attention from her though and she is bothered by the fact that she is always the afterthought. I am not sure how believable it is that the older sister would be mixed up as the younger sister when they look significantly different, though. I would perhaps like to know a little bit more about why Diana (the younger sister) gets so much attention. Also, there are a number of points of conflict thoughout this piece but none get a lot of attention except maybe the play, and they don't really play out. For instance, the whole prom date situation just hasn't much of a solution at all and it just gets written off and forgotten about, after it seems to be something strongly on Kate's mind. Given the setup of the story and the sister and all, I thought the prom was going to be the climax of the story. I must say though, that when she gave her little speech on stage, I felt a great deal of tension and it does a good job of making the reader feel anxiety in that situation. On the whole it was difficult for me to get into the piece, but it may just be because of the content. There is absolutely no way in the world that this story could have been written by (or for) a boy and I just don't have much interest in prom dresses and such. Not that this makes the story bad; it is just that the story is very much in a different element than what I traditionally would read or like. I suppose that the change came when Kate stepped up and revealed her anger about not getting attention over her sister, but I would maybe have liked to see a little bit more inner turmoil to show the change that she actually was assertive about it. Lastly, I do not know about the last line of the story. It seems to go in a new direction and I do not know what it is about or why.

Response to Brotherly Love

I thought this read very well for the most part and I feel like the story has done a good job of finding a sleek and well honed storytelling style, and I like it. It seems to be a story about a man who is living with his brother and his brother's two children, and he is trying to decide on the future of the family. He is hoping to relocate the family out of their old house, and this seems to be the main and major point of contention in the storyline (until the robbery). It is reather difficult oto figure out what happens all of a sudden at the end and it seems to speed up and start cramming things together in terms of events. The beginning is much slower and then it all gets ahead of itself, trying to finish the story it seems. The story does an excellent job of making the characters seem real. William seemed to be a very deep and emotionally real character and it translates well to the page. I found more confusion though about what details of the conflict were. I do not know why he wanted to relocate or what the deep background of his reasoning was. I feel like I was being asked to assume too much in this case. There are great images that are shown in the piece but when it comes to the things that are the meat and important things in the story there seems to be less emphasis on it. The whole gun incident seems to be rushed through, although it does do a good job of showing the fast and panicked feeling of such an incident. Even so, I beg to know more details. Ending right after the scene makes me want to know a bit more.

response to Janelle

In "The Truth Behind the Window" you seem to have an interesting thought, but I don't know if it really materializes. The story seems to be about a married woman who is living in a suburban middle/upper class neighborhood and sits by her window and observes the things happening around her. Her own marriage is talked about briefly and seems to be a point in her life that she is passively disappointed about. You get the idea in the story that the main character, christina, is a very judgemental person. I think there is a bit too much that is unsaid in the story though, from the events to the characters. You have no idea what leads christina to the way of thinking that she has other than a little bit of insight into her married life and her hilariously rude husband. But there is not much character development throughout any of it. Different characters are introduced frequently and you pause just long enough on each of them to understand a little of who they are but not enough to really feel like you know them. They do not have a full personality that makes them a person. And speaking of personality, I get the impression that you are not even close enough to christina to get her personality. Even though you are in her head more than anything else, she doesn't have a fully developed and concrete idea that makes her an individual. With so little focus on anything or anyone, you do not feel like you know anything. Also, I do not know where the story was in this. There were a number of events (that admittedly did not seem to be impactful) and the ending certainly did not involve any change. There were hardly any events at all, and none of them involved the main character. In the end it talks about christina's revenge, and I would love to know what that is all about. It also says that she could see the truths they so desperately tried to hide, but I have no idea what those are. I would love it if we were given an actual outline of what this potential dark underbelly would look like.

Response to "Off"

I found this story to be intriguing, and for the most part, good as well. it is a stream of consciousness narrative following a young woman who is clearly a very synical and self-absorbed rich girl. In fact, she seems to be about as stereotypical as arcih girls come in the basic outline of her actions and personality. however, I thought that the telling of it gave the story and character a great deal of more depth. I might have been so intrigued because I never have really thought about how an overly coddled person might apporach even the most mundane things. i think the technique of the storytelling, with the constant banter of thought, really plays well in this instance. It pulls it off well without getting too bogged down with overlaod, and adds complexity to the story of a girl moving along in a party, trying to get some kisses. All the little anecdotes that she adds, like when she first fell for Adam or when she tells about her history in painting tells so much about the inner workings of this young woman's personality. She clearly is a very complex and conflicted person, even though she tries so hard to show the exterior of an overly confident individual. I also really like how concrete and real she seems as a person, where a few things are revealing but they do not tear down the image that has already been built up. It was a good and interesting insight into another's mind.

Response to T.C. Boyle

In "The Love of My Life", I feel like T.C. Boyle does a fantastic job in many ways of accomplishing what it seems was the intention to accomplish. Throughout the entire piece, the most overwhelming observation of mine was the way the mood seemed so very real that it was practically tangeable. In the beginning of the story, I have to admit that I almost felt like it was I who was love stricken as China and Jeremy were. This is perhaps somewhat an unrealistic portrayal of love and it could be seen as over the top in the depiction of their budding relationship, but I think the meaning and capturing of the mood was more important that the actual facts of the matter. The language used in the piece was rich with descriptive language and it seemed so poetic that it seemed to really capture the powerful emotions that were being thrown about. And later when things became far more dreary, I once again was stricken with the emotion of the story and started to become worried and depressed by the events that were unfolding. The piece seemed so full of life when it was proclaiming the young love and it died with the death of the birthed child.

I also enjoyed the way the story progressed, with the way it first outlined what it needed to (being primarily the emotions present in the story) and moved from event to event seamlessly. One thing that I am not completely sold on, as far as liking the story goes, is the character development. The characters themselves seem more like containers of polarized emotion more than thinking and breathing people. There seemed to be no middle ground by the characters when it came to their analysis of events, and they did not seem to do the realistic task of thinking things through. Another thing that I did not drool over for its greatness was the ending. Sure, it was simply disappointing that China ended up betraying Jeremy, but that is not because of poor writing. What I did not like was the way it ended on a non-event. Perhaps it was just a selfish thought as a reader, but I wanted to know more of the facts of the matter, and know what Jeremy thought as well in finality. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the short story.

This might be sinning

I decided to eavesdrop on a conversation following a Church service. I feel bad about that.

1-Hey man, its good to see you.
2-How have you been, dude?
1-I've been pretty good.
2-Good, good.
1-Yeah man I'm really glad to see you here tonight.
2-Yeah man actually this is just my second time.
1-Oh, righteous. I've been coming since the beginning of last semester.
2-Caleb brought you?
1-Yeah yeah.
2-That's great.
1-Yeah I know. I feel blessed.
2-Yeah dude the lord is working.
1-Yeah I could really feel the spirit tonight. The focus tonight on the holy spirit was really speaking to me and I felt it was important for a lot of people here.
2-Yeah, Trace was awesome. He always has me listening. I can see the fire in his heart and he is really convicted.
1-Yeah, he actually discipled a friend of mine.
2-Oh yeah? Who?
1-Umm do you know Jake R?
2-Uhh I don't think so.
1-Well he is in the building science program. He probably has almost all his classes with Terry.
2-Oh okay, yeah cool. Have you ever done that? Been discipled? Or disciple someone, I guess.
1-No I haven't. Oh, hey!
3-Hi. How are you?
1-Great. How are you?
3-I'm pretty good. This was awesome tonight.
1-Yeah I thought so too. By the way this is my friend David.
3-Nice to meet you. I'm Sharron.
2-Nice to meet you too.
3-Okay, well I have to get running. My ride is about to leave. Bye.
1-Okay bye. I'll see you tomorrow.
2-Bye. It was nice meeting you...Well she was pretty.
1-Yeah, that's Sharron.
2-Umm was she one of the girls doing the baptizing?
1-Uhh I don't think so.
2-Oh okay.
1-Oh there's Kevin.
end

Response to 1-900

I thought that this story was very well executed. there was a great deal of creativity involved in the storytelling by making it completely, start to finish, a telephone conversation. what i really admired about it was the development of the characters. the conversation was so revealing of the nature of John and Sharon, or"Marilyn". the progression of it was a very real sounding conversation, and with each interjection of fact or plot element it seemed like it really could have been coming out in this obscure circumstance of a conversation.

I also found the complexity of the characters to be quite interesting. you can get right away that it is about a guy calling a phone sex line and is needing deeper things, but the development of John's character throughout the piece was interesting to me. He reveals in the conversation how intellectual he is and how his complex thought process can be his undoing (and ultimately turns out to be again). this all leads to a (perhaps expected) turn at the end where the roles are shifted and digs slightly at a point of irony, delving into the convoluted and hypocritical nature of the human nature and sexuality

Caretaker

When she turned the corner into the dimly lit room, her eyes instinctively fell upon the now empty couch cushion. The young girl softly walked up to the area, searching through the mess on the coffee table for the remote, hoping for the flashing ghostliness of the television-lit room to finally fade to black. For it being such a scene of leisure, it seemed ironic how every lingering moment could leave such a sense of overwhelming tension.

Unwilling to let herself fall into the tainted throne that her father had only just relinquished, she bent to lean over the table to search through the old magazines and newspaper that were scattered about. She pushed a pile of papers to the side and accidentally nudged the short glass tumbler that was near the edge, causing the melting ice cubes to clink together. With the TV muted, the crisp chime against the glass was clear in the quiet room and caused the girl to pause

It was behind her to dwell on how unfair it was for her to be the one taking care of her father, she thought. But at the same time, it was beyond her how this unassuming drink could be the cause of it all. With youthful curiosity she reached out for the emptied glass and held it before her eyes filled with wonder. Could this elixir really be the sole reason for the unfair role reversal. As the glass twinkled in front of the television screen, the young girl couldn’t help but wonder how wrong it would be for her to switch things back.

First post

The very first post is a rather disappointing one. It is merely addressing the fact that I was late in reading the first assignment due to the fact that I have, even now, been unable to obtain the required text from a bookstore because they have been sold out.